At some point
There comes a time
When I cannot order
Any more wedding related
Items on Amazon.
Even if for no other
Reason than the wedding
Precedes any of the speediest shipping.
There comes a time when
I must accept what
For two nights of celebration
I find myself up for
Hours in the middle of the
Night, this week prior to the DAY, puzzling
Over this tumultuous time
Letting go of one era
And embracing a new me.
With two years’ worth of work and preparation,
am I going to discover
i am a tattered, unable to socialize mess on the wedding weekend?
i feel like this wedding is one more hurdle to overcome, rather than a fun party.
Worries that so much could go wrong
that I will commit an unrecoverable faux pas!
Ach! I have nerves!
Is there an end to being
Content to be
Is there a beginning
In the fight to stand
On my own
Is there a continuation
To my darkest days
When I’m dust
That anger that angst
I would be content to be saddled with that.
To explain my probable general silence on this blog for the month of June: I’m really endeavoring to improve my Technology skills—I’m taking an online “iPads in the classroom” class this June. So I am constantly checking the Discussion Board and trying to do the assignments.
Also, all last minute preparations are happening for my pending HUGE EVENT in my life: my marriage to the man I love. I’m trying to keep the mindset that it will be a great party – and to not STRESS too much.
Also, since school finally ended – we had to make up extreme weather days til June 6, 2014! That last week stretched out mercilessly.
Needless to say, now I have more “day-time” time now—and I’m going to “pick up” tennis again. I played high school and college tennis, and some here and there post-college. But it’s been awhile. Hopefully I won’t look too foolish.
So please bear with me as I approach this month of June with both trepidation and joy.
I think of the dead.
But I do not think of them as dead.
Neither in my thoughts
Nor in my dreams.
I believe I am not aware enough
Of the earth’s “rocking the death in herself.”
I initially feel this a failure.
But then I grow to think
That the image is a passing thought
Like all my passing thoughts.
And I feel a lightness, inside
For just a moment
Because I know what I think
And I feel what I believe
the earth rocks
Quote from Sophia De Mello Breyner, p.7 The Vintage Book of Contemporary World Poetry, Ed. By McClattchy, J.D.
The last few weeks of school are always difficult. This year, I’m preparing for our wedding, and at the same time, trying to get the last onslaught of books from kids. If only the rock that feels like is lodged in the right side of my brain would go away. I’m trying my best in the face of what seems like insurmountable odds. I say, as the proverb so wisely states:
This too shall pass.