pincushion

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The drag from a 7 minute lunch

The push from no breakfast

The thrill of a lesson well taught

The lethargy from last night’s less than good sleep

The knowledge at the end of the day

Hey

We’re lucky

With all the pushes and pulls

Both outer and inner

I feel like a pincushion

I continue to feel the jabs of pain

In living moment to moment

Very carefully

slowly taking the pains

slowly taking the pains

The Crux

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The 

Crux

 

unheard 

but felt

 

so you talk

around it,

feeling

 

enamored of your Love, given and taken.

 

You are gifted with so much

you cannot let yourself down

 

But fear       fear

the pain in the chest

 

the trip over the wire

 

the forgotten dear memories

 

You cannot accept 

the Pain

 

and yet the crux

 

there

 

allows you to remain

 

and you wonder.

 

Could you explain

the transfer between life

and death and the

forgiveness that HAS to 

lie waiting in the interim?

 

Not really.

 

 

To endure like iron

To endure like iron

The crux is everything 

you live for

 

and what you will die for.

Labor Day Dream

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a hand to hold

a hand to hold

I follow my thought
Having no choice but to
Be laid low
Lower than low

And then take a week of work and time to heal
To get back up to
An acceptable thought
An acceptable time

And now I feel time and work
Stretching out from me
Infinitely

And I have hope
Even though I will be laid
Low again

And I have happiness
That not every moment has to be
My worst moment

And I have fortune
That I have friends
Who support me in this venture
Of writing

And the book I’ve been working on
Took a HUGE turn this weekend
And I am reeling

Work
Trauma
Sadness
Joy

All of these elements coexist
To bring me
A life worth living

Letting Go

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At some point
There comes a time
When I cannot order
Any more wedding related
Items on Amazon.

Even if for no other
Reason than the wedding
Precedes any of the speediest shipping.

There comes a time when
I must accept what
The two-years-in-planning
Will provide
For two nights of celebration

I find myself up for
Hours in the middle of the
Night, this week prior to the DAY, puzzling
Over this tumultuous time
Of both
Letting go of one era
And embracing a new me.

Wedding Lament

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With two years’ worth of work and preparation,

 

am I going to discover

 

i am a tattered, unable to socialize mess on the wedding weekend?

 

i feel like this wedding is one more hurdle to overcome, rather than a fun party.

 

Worries that so much could go wrong

 

that I will commit an unrecoverable faux pas!

 

Ach!  I have nerves!

Content

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Is there an end to being

Content to be

 

Is there a beginning

In the fight to stand

On my own

 

Is there a continuation

To my darkest days

 

Somewhere later

When I’m dust

 

I awake

And find

That anger that angst

 

I would be content to be saddled with that.

 

 

Silence is golden?

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To explain my probable general silence on this blog for the month of June: I’m really endeavoring to improve my Technology skills—I’m taking an online “iPads in the classroom” class this June.  So I am constantly checking the Discussion Board and trying to do the assignments.

 

Also, all last minute preparations are happening for my pending HUGE EVENT in my life: my marriage to the man I love.  I’m trying to keep the mindset that it will be a great party – and to not STRESS too much.

 

Also, since school finally ended – we had to make up extreme weather days til June 6, 2014!  That last week stretched out mercilessly.

 

Needless to say, now I have more “day-time” time now—and I’m going to “pick up” tennis again.  I played high school and college tennis, and some here and there post-college.  But it’s been awhile.  Hopefully I won’t look too foolish.

 

So please bear with me as I approach this month of June with both trepidation and joy.